i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
