i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
