so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
