I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
