i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
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I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I think a kid would responsible me up
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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