Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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