Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
