I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Well I just put wine in my tea
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
