He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
