I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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