I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
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I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
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It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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