yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
