Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
