I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
