This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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