i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
