so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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