The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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