Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
