Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
