if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
