Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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