Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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