Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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