I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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