I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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