Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
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