Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
