I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
