Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We're not piercing ourselves today.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
