dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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