I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
