I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
