I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
