My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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