we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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