dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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