we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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