he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
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We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
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I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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