Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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