i think i have two assholes
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
