some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
