I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
