I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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