masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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