Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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