I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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