Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
