Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
did you just send me my own nude
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game