Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
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It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
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I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here