I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
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She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
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Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low