So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
