Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.

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(512): uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on. http://tfl.nu/0y74

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(308): View more from Nebraska

Without porn, I would have few hobbies.

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(308): Without porn, I would have few hobbies. http://tfl.nu/e9r7

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(604): View more from British Columbia

People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky

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(604): People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky http://tfl.nu/clbn

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(910): View more from North Carolina

He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.

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(910): He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn. http://tfl.nu/hrhg

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(763): View more from Minnesota

lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...

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(763): lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab... http://tfl.nu/1m3b

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(240): View more from Maryland

Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.

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(240): Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present. http://tfl.nu/qzgl

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(573): View more from Missouri

I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.

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(573): I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him. http://tfl.nu/m4j0

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(816): View more from Missouri

i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.

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(816): i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else. http://tfl.nu/65tn

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(905): View more from Ontario

Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.

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(905): Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights. http://tfl.nu/cnu2

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(419): View more from Ohio

who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage

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(419): who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage http://tfl.nu/wlxq

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(473): View more from Grenada-Carib

Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.

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(473): Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year. http://tfl.nu/y5js

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(785): View more from Kansas

She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?

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(785): She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right? http://tfl.nu/iw36

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.

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(781): i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens. http://tfl.nu/yex4

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(701): View more from North Dakota

Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.

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(701): Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days. http://tfl.nu/swcj

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(218): View more from Minnesota

Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me

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(218): Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me http://tfl.nu/p7wy

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