If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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