Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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