just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
