I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
