I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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