Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
