He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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