a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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