why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
they're like a gay fantastic four
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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