Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
