i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
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the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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