I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
