Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
